I don't have a say

Why bother hussling with blogging on GitHub and put myself in a state where I have to constently struggle with writing and editing? Even at this moment this recurring question lingers in my head. All in all, it’s a combination of multiple factors, numerous instances and mental journeys that happened over the past years; all leading to one question. How do I better controll my own work? To be more specific, do I have a say on the work which I spend time on?

I have this personality that I complain about things when I care about them. In a working environment where most people don’t question and challenage the decisions of the organization, my hehavior tends to stand out. Rightfully standing out negatively that this man often rubs it in the wrong way. This is a point I have realized in spite that I made my efforts to be constructive by providing my ideas how thing can be done. On the contrary, I could’ve played along when I posistion myself as a regular employee who gets paid and talk the talk that poeple love hearing. To me, the dilemma is always there. Over two decades of career life has not completely tamed me although I have played on both sides. Finally I have come to a moment being crystally clear that it’s simply not my call. This mental tug of war is not ending unless I figure out a way out myself.

And there we go. My blog and repo on GitHub where I have full control over what needs to be done and how. It doesn’t have to land somewhere; still, it is a project that records my progress, my journey and my work in a way I want. The project is Fünftes Rad, the spare tire that’s generally not noticed. It however would play an important roll in the needed moment.